Emotions

This last 18 months of my life, has been an absolute whirlwind. I have had the highs and the lows of my life.
I have shared joy, spreading it like no one's business! And I have felt sorrow. Being strong isn't always an option. But when joy comes to me, I embrace it to its fullest potential! I love to be joyful and I hope greatly that the people who know me best, see me as a very happy person :)

Lately, I have been home a lot and I don't think that a single trip home, has been without the question, "So do you guys still talk?" it's mostly coming from my mom. But from my dad, my brother, my aunt, my cousins, my gramma, my sister too.... It's the worst. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like I should have done things differently. I always talk poorly about him. That I don't like his haircut, or he hangs out with bad people, or that his friends are cuter than him. But honestly, none of that is true. And I hadn't come to realize that until recently. I have found that I make fun of him, the way best friends joke around, or the way that siblings give eachother a hard time about everything. I lost my best friend, and I realized that I just straight up miss him. I miss hanging out and talking. Having someone to go to meals with when you missed dinner with your floor and now you're at it alone. Having someone there to rejoice with you when things go great! And to be the helping hand when things aren't going your way. I miss listening. The togetherness of a best friend, hearing them out and being available to assist in whatever way that you can. When they know everything about you and you know everything about them. When they just seem to 'get it' and no one else does. My friends at school have been so amazing and so supportive. But no one knows all of who I am like he does. He knows my gifts and my flaws, my recycled stories, my likes and dislikes, my biggest regrets and mistakes and the things I am most proud of. He knows my secrets and as far as I know, has been able to keep them to himself.

I don't really know what happened. Why we broke up. Why we don't talk after being best friends for a year. All I know, is that I miss the person I was so close with. And I would give anything to have that friendship back. I guess what they say is true. You never know what you have until you've lost it.